Baseball. Beautiful, Beautiful Baseball...

I’ve felt so dejected from baseball the last couple of weeks. The Yankee’s suck, as it’s finally sunk in that the rebuilding years are upon us. I mean, I know Clemens is going to win 22 games and yet another Cy Young, but still… Boston is doing well, probably going to win another championship, making that two in one decade. By the way that’s “Sign of the Apocalypse # 47”. It’s in Revelations, I swear. For the record, # 46 was Rosie O’Donnell getting back on television. Sadly, the only enjoyment I have been able to muster thus far this season has been following the Milwaukee Brewers.

Yet neither the Hypocritical Red Sox, nor the AARP Yankees are what truly make me feel disconsolate this year. I have become absolutely LIVID at ESPN’s coverage of “Chasing Aaron”, as Barry “I obviously did steroids “Bonds closes in on the record. It actually makes me nauseous. What’s worse is there are actually people who still believe that Bonds was entirely clean. Bonds’ defense is the baseball equivalent to OJ “finding the real killers”. Actually that might be next. “No, I did not do steroids. But I will not rest until I out every doper in MLB”. It’s just unbelievable. The only thing that could make this situation worse is if Aaron were not African-American. Nothing infuriates me more than race issues in sports.

As for the solution to the steroid problem? I say give it to them all. Let everybody do it, no, MAKE everybody do it. I mean everybody. Players, Managers (Lou Pinnella anyone?), Umpires, General Managers, Owners, Ball Boys, even the Announcers. Can you imagine John Sterling on steroids?

Wait, I think I just have. Ok, here is a hypothetical Steroid John Sterling commentary-

Susan- Well John, I think the Yankee fans are somewhat justified in booing Alex Rodriguez. He makes an awful lot of money to not produce and-

John- LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING SUSAN! If I ever caught a Yankee fan booing A-Rod, I’d crack them across the mouth. I’m telling you, he’s gonna do something here, he’s gonna fu****** nail one.

Susan- We’ll see John, he’s down 0-2 in the count, and 0 for the century against this guy, I-

John- You watch Susan. High fastball and swing- THAT BALL IS HIGH! IT IS FAR! IT IS…GONE! GONE BI***. AND IT’S A GODDAMN A-BOMB… FROM GODDAMN A-ROD!!! I FU***** TOLD YOU SUSAN!!!!!

Oh my god this needs to happen…

Meanwhile, enjoy this....